TRIGGER WARNING: childhood trauma, father, abuse, molestation When I was in an undergrad lit class, we were assigned poems to read and this was one. I had to dig it up online today and found it with keywords “father – dance – such waltzing was not easy” My Papa’s Waltz (Theodore Roethke) The whiskey on … Continue reading
Last night, I stumbled… metaphorically speaking… upon a decades-old crack in my pavement. It seemed like the tiniest split in the earth’s surface at first but it widened and its chasm felt too deep… too dark… she asked if I was okay and all I could say was, “I will be.” And I was, after … Continue reading
One of the most miraculous (unexpected… how could i have anticipated it?) things that Master has brought to my life is the realization that there are no easy answers. Hell, sometimes there are no answers to be had at all. Do i still chart things? Yes. Do i look for answers? Hell yes… but there … Continue reading
The spawn and i have been binge-watching Fringe and consequently? my brain is solidly fixed on the fanciful notion that there could be parallel realities. One choice here sends ripples into another and another. In one universe, the leading lady is blonde. In the other universe, she is a redhead. On a rain-soaked city street … Continue reading
Recently, i had the opportunity to reconnect with someone i’d known 30 years ago. His introduction to “bat” will be here. His first taste of this blog will come from this post. i wrote something similar for Captain Chunky and some of this info is in my “Whatza wawbat” page as well. Today? i introduce … Continue reading
It has been a difficult few weeks for bat. i knew when i started therapy that i’d be opening doors and looking at shit that i didn’t particularly want to see… but rotting food need not be seen to be smelled… right? The fact that i wasn’t acknowledging it didn’t make it fester any less. i’m … Continue reading
She rained fist-size hail upon the body she straddled…a volley of blows punctuated by slaps and scratches. i closed my eyes and held space behind her as she feasted with her fingers… as she explored the flesh and the pain beneath it … as she brought catharsis to the prey below her. i tasted it from my perch … Continue reading
i put together the above image and the thought tonight after a day that was a bit of an emotional rollercoaster. The day wore a weariness born of sleep deprivation (just a smidgen) and hard choices. i visited my therapist, made some decisions, and then off to work i went. The day was full, but … Continue reading
At Master’s request, i have been reading Life, Leather, and the Pursuit of Happiness . i highly recommend this to folks who are trying to ‘understand’ the leather life without the bullshit of 50 shades. i am nearing the end of the book and i came across a section that i journaled about in my daily … Continue reading
i’m learning that the only way to deal with pain is to feel pain. i don’t like it, but i’m learning. “Every day I live I am more convinced that the waste of life lies in the love we have not given, the powers we have not used, the selfish prudence that will risk nothing and which, shirking pain, misses … Continue reading
