It’s this sense that what i am is different in each moment from what i was and that in my next breath… i will be something altogether different still.
i want to stop it or at least catch my fucking breath, but i’m also damn curious about what’s happening… who i will become next.
One of my favorite stories of all time is that of Pygmalion… and i enjoy nearly all of its derivatives. There’s Shaw’s play and subsequent My Fair Lady musical. Even Pretty Woman makes my cut. Americans like a happy ending, so the story loses a bit of its oomph in our versions, but the elements are there.
We all become.
Some of us are lucky enough to forge our own character or to help, at least, as it is fashioned. Some are created in the image of someone else, or simply choose a more appealing life as their template. Others are sculpted at the whim of an artist they choose and in the saddest of cases, some are modified by brute force. We become in order to please or achieve. We become in an attempt to secure a place or to fulfill a destiny. We become – in the best of circumstances – a better version of ourselves; we are distilled into the purest form of ourselves… if we are lucky.
The risk… of course… comes when we are fitted for a purpose that doesn’t actually exist. i think, today, of Eliza Doolittle…bemoaning the fact that she left a life of peddling flowers to become “respected” and now? She serves only one purpose… “I sold flowers; I didn’t sell myself. Now you’ve made a lady of me, I’m not fit to sell anything else.” She is the lady he wanted her to be but he doesn’t really want her at all.
No… i’m not being “passed over” as she says in the film, but i wonder at who i am. i trust the One i serve. i trust the ones that i love. i feel no manipulation or agenda… i fear no pain that will be unbearable on the horizon.
i am simply uncomfortable in my skin these days. Things are changing quickly. Growth is coming in spurts.
In related news – related only i suppose in my mind – i just discovered that the title for Heinlein’s Stranger in a Strange Land came from a passage in scripture (Exodus, no less) and i suppose we are all just visiting… hm? Even in this skin we’re in.
Image: Pygmalion und Galatea, Jean-Léon Gérôme, 1890. Found at: http://de.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pygmalion#mediaviewer/File:Pygmalion_and_Galatea_(G%C3%A9r%C3%B4me)_back.jpg
Photograph: Audrey Hepburn headshot from 1964.Found at http://image.toutlecine.com/photos/m/y/0/my-fair-lady-1964-07-g.jpg