In 1989; i was using…alcohol more than drugs. Many nights, i’d split a 12 pack with Mr.X and on more than one occasion, i polished one off by myself. Nobody ever called me an addict then…but it certainly runs in my family; we are a clan that self-medicates…that gambles…that overeats. i’ve lived the chaos that … Continue reading
Monthly Archives: March 2014
i can’t be right for somebody else
i stumbled across this on pinterest and was about to pin it when i stopped dead in my tracks. Sometimes you have a moment when the gears catch… and you are forced to flip something on its head and see it for something altogether different. At first blush, i really did dig the message… Fuck’em… … Continue reading
Yellow-bellied bat
He leaned in… the smile leaving his face altogether and his eyes going seriously cold. He said simply “Stop… or Yellow, Red… do you know what they mean? Can you say them?” He made me say them, then. i felt like i was back in kindergarten. Those of us who play in formal settings… at … Continue reading
hold my hand
i’m driving into the parking garage at work… behind a long line of cars… slowly snaking up levels in search of the elusive sweet parking spots. At some point, with my elbow balanced on the car door handle, i begin to absentmindedly stroke my cheek. Within seconds, i’m thinking how it feels when His controlled … Continue reading
from the inside
i was raging horny… all day… today ‘nough said CLOSER by Nine Inch Nails (live) Continue reading
Happy UN-Anniversary, Mr X
i talk about Mr. X from time-to-time. i was married to him for a long time, so he’s part of my tapestry. When i woke this morning, i recalled that it was St. Patty’s Day and that means it’s also the day i was married. i’ve been divorced many a year, but today marks 25 … Continue reading
open mind for a different view
I have spread my dreams under your feet; Tread softly because you tread on my dreams. W.B.Yeats i just caught sight of His picture on my phone and it took me to a quiet and warm place instantaneously. That feeling was suddenly replaced with a feeling akin to terror. i am given pause… sometimes… by the … Continue reading
Finding the in-betweens
i’m trying to work on my all-or-nothing thinking. i want so very much and when i want it, i see it as i wish it to be… perfect in its own way. When i want to give… i see it the same way… in perfection. Life isn’t perfect and neither am i… and when things … Continue reading
Lord, Lift me up…
i do not question my choice to serve Master. There are days when i question how to do it, or how best to do it, but the decision was sound and i am pleased by it – and happy in it. i’ve been struggling with some of the more internal aspects; i find myself checking my ego, … Continue reading
