1. Forget to renew your AAA membership
2. Convince yourself that “E” does not mean empty, but rather hey, when you think of it, how’s about you get some gas?
3. Leave the house to run your spawn to work and leave your photo ID, your credit card, etc and take only the essentials: the purse on the seat next to you should contain only the most important items: your phone, your gum, your slave journal, and the box containing your Master’s collar… oh and condoms and lube and a subway gift card you got free with the purchase of toner at OfficeMax last week.
4. Run out of gas at an intersection
5. Realize that most humans have apparently forgotten what flashing hazard lights are
6. Pop your car hood to make your situation more obvious… and so… y’know… they’ll stop HONKING at you
7. Begin calling people. Start with those who are geographically close to your location, retired, and friendly. Work your way down the list until you remember that your mother lives just 1.5 miles away
8. Call mother… she’s sober… cool… she’s on the way
9. Greet mother – look at what she’s carrying – face palm
10. Pretend that it is totally normal for people to put gasoline into the empty gallon jug that once contained their Golytely (pre-colonoscopy drink)
And there you have it… a fun-filled hour… a cautionary tale to fill your gas tank AND to eat plenty of fiber… on your road to nowhere